Wow, that title makes me sound way smarter than I actually am.
Do you ever have a day where you feel like your life is a human version of a participation trophy?
Random musing
What exactly is the “treble” in All About That Bass? Is the bass your bum and treble your boobs? Is “bass” a metaphor for being curvy and treble its angular opposite?
This is what occupies my headspace at work. I clearly need a new job.
Talkin’ Smack
Of all the things I have problems understand, talking shit about people after graduating from tenth grade is really high up there. Like, number three after people obeying speed limits and geography.
Still, I come to this new community and have to deal with this. I get that some people are immature, but women in their forties talking about me to my coworkers that are in their twenties? It’s so Desperate Houswives. No murders yet, though.
What was being said, you may ask? That I’m an egotistical bitch that thinks I’m the best at everything. Clearly she has never seen me attempt sports. Also, why is believing you are good at something a negative thing? I stated I knew I was very good at math (fun fact of the day) which is what started this whole thing. There isn’t enough eye rolling I can do.
I am so self obsessed.
However, every cloud has a silver lining. When I deal with people like that, I remember how awesome my true friends are. Last night I hung out with Keeley where we drank a lot of wine and talked life. We talked about our friends from back home and how amazing they are. I think that’s why I’m so sensitive here; it will take A LOT to be up to par with my friends back home.
Friends that surprise you by serenading you during your first dance.
Yeah. That fucking awesome. So, if you’re reading this, take the time tonight to tell your friends how you feel about them. Now that I’m not near mine, I think how I didn’t appreciate them enough back home. I could focus on stupidheads whose favorite extra curricular activity is gossiping, but instead I’m thinking about the people who love me. It may not be many, but I’m really into quality over quantity 🙂
Now this is fucking LOVE
My friends and family are incredible although they’re hundreds of miles away. I have a Charming that writes me notes like this ^ and I have one or two people over here that make Germany not complete hell. Life could be far worse.
I am SO excited
Why, do you ask? I just put down my deposit for a Celeste Giuliano photo shoot! !!!!! That’s right, soon this gal
Will be working with the BEST pin up photographer in the known universe. Except maybe Neptune. That’s one sexy extra terrestrial object, so obviously their photographers are top notch.
Check out her work… and drool over it at celestegiuliano.com. I’ve never seen better work, and two of my three best friends model professionally.
I don’t think I can fully express how excited I am for this. Maybe this will show that the pin-up life is for me. I hope so. I’m shit at geography, so there isn’t much else I would be good at.
I’ll keep you lovelies up to date because I’m vain as fuck. I love you all!
Now back to the wine.
~Ellee
Looking for a laptop is a great excuse to be vain.
So, my laptop is on its way out. It’s impressive, though, since it has lasted for four years. As someone whose super power is being a human EMP, that is quite the achievement. Now, the keyboard is jacked (my fault since I type with purpose) and the space bar only works half of the time. Even typing this post is driving me to drink.
I’m looking up reviews of different computers/tablets/whatever and realizing I have NO IDEA what I’m doing. How do I make myself feel better? Play with makeup, of course!
I’m really good at looking at the camera like a deer in headlights.
My Liberation, or Why I Deleted Facebook
Spoiler alert: I no longer have a facebook.
Like every other person who graduated high school in the aughts, I got myself a facebook right when I got my college email address. Kids, these were the days when facebook was for college students and college students only, but I digress.
I loved being on facebook during college. It made connecting to classmates for projects and “projects” so much easier. When I graduated, I thought I would use it to keep in touch with those who no longer live near me. Ah, the sentiment.
Did I use it for such a reason? Fuck no, and neither do you.
Bombshells and Bras
Much like Moses’s quest for the promised land, I find myself on an epic quest to find the perfect bra. This has been happening for years, and I can only hope I don’t end up in the desert with a golden calf.
I have learned many things during this. First and most importantly, Victoria’s secret straight up lies to you. They want you to buy one of their bras, but they only have limited sizes. When I went to see if they had anything for me, they tried to say I’m a 34C. I’m 30F. Shade thrown. But let’s be real, no one buys Victoria’s Secret bras to wear them for any length of time. That’s the only logical explanation I can come up with for bedazzling lingerie.
It’s hard to measure yourself, so get a friend to help. Think of it as a bonding exercise. I asked Charming to measure me, however it just turned into him bewildered at what goes into women’s clothing. Oh honey, you don’t even know. Continue reading
An argument against dieting
One thing that is not in the new spouses brochure in the Air Force is that you WILL gain weight when you move to Germany. Is it because German food is delicious?Eh, kind of. More like the sun doesn’t shine for 9 months, so you have to eat a lot to comfort yourself. Oh, and wine is cheap. Now, as a bombshell, I embrace my curves. After all #bustygalproblems was basically written about me. However, when my mad cute clothes don’t fit anymore, we have a problem. Continue reading
Guess who’s back in blog land?
I wish I could give some awesome excuse as to why this blog fell to the wayside, like a secret mission or figuring out I’m a wizard. Alas, I just got lazy and forgot.Â
However, this is a new beginning, a new country (not by choice), and a new married me, so what the hell?Â
I’m still working my way around the internets, so bear with me. I will get this down…eventually.
PS- I am aware that despite my Bachelor’s in Creative Writing and tendency to be a grammar nazi, I write a lot of run on sentences. My apologies.Â
apparently you can blog from your phone
I am mainly just doing this to see if this blackberry app works. I’m laying on the couch with Fred the Cat after a fantastic yoga class (Fred did not attend). Hopefully this works!
Little Bombshell 