What is it about certain situations that makes you apply makeup like war paint?

When it comes to makeup, I consider myself a superfan. I have an estimated metric fuck ton of products floating around my bathroom. Now, I know every makeup user has a different reason for wearing makeup, whether it be to cover up “flaws,” even out skin, or because they like pretty colors.

Me? I consider makeup to be playtime. I hate when guys say they hate girls wearing makeup because it’s like they’re lying about what they look like. Really? You truly believed I had green and gold eyelids?

Not my natural face

However, the other evening, I had another mindset entirely. Charming asked if we could go to the theater for a friend of ours show. I said yes, although my anxiety disorder was screaming “no dice.” I feared a lot of the gossip mongers would be there because, shocker of shockers, theater people can sometimes be hella dramatic.

So, I downed two glasses of wine and got ready. Instead of dressing the way I normally do, all I could think was “how do I look like a bitch you don’t want to mess with? And really cute? And like everything is going right in my life?” Probably not the healthiest of mindsets, but I don’t have the healthiest of minds. I think my binge watching abilities is a testament to that.

I refused to leave the house until I looked up to par with my expectations.

I will say my makeup was flawless (Beyonce would be proud, however I did not wake up like this). My hair in place, and my dress was so adorbs that I had to use abbreviations to describe it. And for that, I’m sorry.

The evening wasn’t too bad, and I made sure to be downright icy to one woman who has been spreading a lot of shit about me (see previous entry about talkin’ smack. Yeah, that chick). Also, I got on a first name basis with the cafe guy feeding me wine AND pumpkin spice latte. If ever there was a description of heaven. #whitegirl

How do you view makeup? Are you a fan? I know I am, and evidently I sometimes view it as armor. There are worse things to think…